


Between Your Whispers

by sonus



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of past deaths, Psychological Horror, Psychological Trauma, Trope: eerie arctic research station, other members are only mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23891593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonus/pseuds/sonus
Summary: When Mark accepts a job offer everything seems to be going according to plan.The arctic station is almost empty.Only Mark, Donghyuck, and a whisper.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 13
Kudos: 80
Collections: NCT Spookfest Spring Scream





	Between Your Whispers

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I've said this once before so I'm not sure if it counts but this is out of my comfort zone (tho I'm beginning to think that Actually this is so my comfort zone so idk)
> 
> Anyway, welcome to this little something! I know the tags sound quite...heavy but the truth is, I had no idea how to tag this. I don't feel like it's _that_ bad but there's definitely some chilly stuff here (or at least I hope so)
> 
> Big thanks to my biggest supporters, 9900gc. You made me finish The Spooks again and I had fun :D

For the record, Mark isn't the most social person out there.

He gets tired of people sometimes and while he doesn't think it should automatically earn him the reputation of an introvert, he does prefer his own company.

Which explains a lot about his reaction to the new crazy idea his boss comes up with.

" _Listen, Mark, listen_ ," Jungwoo points at the papers on his desk like the younger wasn't quietly absorbing each word he said. "I'll give you a rise if you accept this."

Mark raises his eyebrows.

"Accept _what_ Jungwoo hyung?" He asks suspiciously and tries to take a peek at the pile of documents. The amount of drama Jungwoo is creating right now you would think that he has at least told him what this was about. Well, not even close.

This is what kind of a place Mark works at. It looks important and all fancy from outside, the name ' _National Centre Of Research On Natural Disasters_ ' proving almost impossible to remember as even their higher-ups seem to never remember what institution they work at.

Mark sighs. Sometimes he regrets choosing this career path.

"This project that no one else wants to take," the older says smugly like he just gave Mark the opportunity of his life. In a form of a job rejected one too many times apparently since _Mark_ , who is still considered a newbie, gets the offer.

He raises his eyebrows high to signal his good measured but not quite genuine shock.

"That is not a great advertisement, you know," he fires back and all Jungwoo do at the absence of the 'hyung' is laugh brightly.

"Right," he nods enthusiastically and points his finger at Mark. "But I know _you_ will like it."

And Mark does, the details of the project slowly seeping into his brain and he smiles slightly at the words 'alone time' and 'really rare objects' being thrown around so freely.

He pauses for a moment, studies the picture before him.

It's a normal and sunny day, like many of the others around that time of the year, pens shining on Jungwoo's desk and papers begging for the older's boy's attention.

Later on, this image will probably haunt him with the millions of possibilities that could have happened if only he had said no to that ridiculous proposition. Pictures of events that would never take place.

Most of them are bright and lively, admittedly a little bit boring but still, they are all something Mark knows and likes very much. They are normal, they are routine.

What he gets instead is something much darker and twisted disguised under layers upon layers of plain white snow.

It's anything but ordinary.

This is what Mark gets:

**Day 1312**

_Today is something else. But then again, I suppose each day with you is something else._

_You make my life hard yet interesting Mark Lee._

_I wouldn't trade it for anything else in this world._

_If you are reading this again (I know you probably are) then let me say one more thing:_

_To the new beginning. Let our own voices be the only ones heard this time._

"So you are Mark Lee?" greets him the voice that belongs to someone Mark cannot see just yet. But judging by the information that Jungwoo gave him about this place there's only one person this voice can belong too: Lee Donghyuck, the director of this place.

Mark grips the papers harder and recalls all the information that they offer.

A deserted area, an unfriendly building, tons of snow all around. It all seems pretty accurate.

One man living amongst it all. Well, up until now.

This also seems true as Donghyuck emerges from the shadows, a slight, lopsided grin on his face. His voice echoes loudly in the empty halls.

They are completely alone.

"I assume you are just in awe of this amazing place and not actually unable to speak."

As Mark stares at the other, he himself isn't sure which one it is.

He just nods to give Donghyuck some kind of an answer.

And apparently, it's good enough because the other nods too and turns to his left to point at one of the dark corridors.

"Your room is this way. Straight until the first turn and then left. It's the first room there."

Mark turns to the empty corridor and as he hears Donghyuck's footsteps echo in the empty space he remembers something else about this place.

It's not included in the report that he carries with him like it means anything now that he is finally there. It's something that Jungwoo has told him between the cheerful lines, successfully masking the true meaning of the words that only just now registers.

" _There is little to no information about the people that had worked there over the years," Jungwoo had said. "It seems...there was some kind of accident back when Donghyuck started working there but that was years ago."_

Mark tries to push the unwanted conclusions to the back of his head.

There is a line between ' _no information_ ' and ' _bad news_ '.

Or maybe the right word for this situation would be ' _vanished_ '.

But Mark wouldn't know.

**Day 1279**

_Fresh blood huh?_

_I'm not gonna lie, the news made me kind of angry. I guess I can see your reasoning behind letting this happen but there is still this part of me that wants to shake you and yell how bad of an idea this is._

_Well, whatever the damage is done now anyway._

_Let's just hope for the best now._

Mark locks the door behind him carefully.

The room that greets him when he turns around is almost completely empty. It looks like it has never been used and there is a feeling of disappointment building up in Mark's stomach as he sets on the bed which is one of the two furniture pieces there. The other one is the desk.

He was hoping to find some trace of the past occupants on the walls or maybe under the bed but there is not even dust there. He imagines Donghyuck whipping the place clear in preparation for his arrival.

Did he take what was left behind by his predecessors or did they take it themselves? And if it was Donghyuck, did he look back or did he throw it all away without a second thought?

Mark's fingers linger at the edge of the desk as he scans the windowless walls in search of something that's obviously not there.

"I'm stupid," he mumbles to himself and laughs like this whole situation is funny. Back in the safety of his own house, this job has seemed like an excellent idea. The best occasion he has ever had and would ever get probably. Now, Mark isn't so sure.

The walls around him seem to close upon him and the air is too quiet, too still like he is the first person to use this room in at least a hundred years.

The silence is taunting.

Mark feels the need to fill it in.

"It will be fine, tomorrow you will start working and everything will be just _fine_ ," he mumbles to himself and grimaces when a thought crosses his mind. What if Donghyuck is staying somewhere close to him and can hear everything Mark does?

He can hardly imagine leaving a complete stranger into his house and not monitoring what he is up too. It's even less believable here, where there's no one to call if something happens. For all Donghyuck knows, Mark might be a serial killer.

Or maybe, Mark wonders, Donghyuck is the one he should be scared of.

' _No point wondering about it now. You are already here_ ,' Mark sighs and grabs his bag, intending to make the room a little more cozy and comfortable.

"If I will be living here for the next seven months I might as well."

That first night Mark doesn't dream of anything. There's nothing that disturbs his sleep, static silence making his brain relax despite the circumstances.

On the other side of the complex, Donghyuck's dreams scream loudly, his hands flying up to cover his ears in a desperate attempt that fails anyway.

**Day 1258**

_Mark, I've never thought I would ever say this but your dinner was eatable. For the first time ever. Congratulations I guess._

_I also got a call from Jungwoo and it made me wonder if you got one too. You probably did. I wonder what was your reaction._

_Because for me it was fear gripping me like old good times at the sound of 'new people'. The whole idea is scary. And you know what I say to that? Fuck you. For all the times you made me feel useless, powerless, and broken. Now it's my time to get it back._

_It's still a hard topic but I guess we will have to talk about it eventually. For now, keep making me pancakes, I love them._

The next day Mark wakes up with the sunrise. Or at least, with the hour that would normally mark the sunrise but it's hard to judge when there are no windows to let him see the beauty of it.

"It's splendid," Donghyuck says as his first words when Mark steps into the kitchen. The younger is leaning over the stove, milk bubbling furiously in a pot. "The sunrise, I mean."

It's like the younger can read his mind.

"Don't I get a 'hello'?" Mark ask and he slides next to Donghyuck to get to the refrigerator. He searches the interior it'll he locates eggs and takes them out with a triumphant smile.

"I didn't get a hello either," Donghyuck observes but there's no venom in his voice. He sounds calm like he has slept for hours upon hours but dark bags under his eyes tell Mark a completely different story. "I hope you can at least cook that."

Mark's eyes lower to the box of eggs that he is still holding in his hands, appetite suddenly gone. There's something airy about this casual Donghyuck.

"I'm not the greatest cook but I think I can manage without burning the whole place down," he says and Donghyuck raises his eyebrows at him, finally betraying emotion for the first time that day. Even if it's just disbelief, Mark is glad.

"Now," Donghyuck takes his own breakfast off the stove. "We can't exactly call for help here so it would be nice to not die on your first day here."

Something about that sentence seems wrong but there's no time to dwell on it because Donghyuck turns to the door in one swift motion.

"You aren't eating here?"

Donghyuck turns to him, eyebrows raised again.

"I have lots of work to do," he says and nods at the food in his grip. "And so do you."

Mark knows that, knows where he is supposed to head later but at that moment there's only one thing on his mind.

The strange reports about all the people who had worked here before. The unknown whereabouts of all these people didn't strike him as disturbing before but now, alone with Donghyuck who is still here despite people coming and going it sends shivers down his spine.

"Oh, whatever it is you are thinking, don't worry," Donghyuck says and there's a spark in his eyes that Mark feels strange. The younger doesn't strike him as someone who has been living in this cold and deserted place for years, let alone living by himself for the last seven months. "I don't know what is the gossip like in your side of the world, or in any side really, but we like to have fun here."

Mark instinctively turns around to look over his shoulder. They are still alone and the silence that falls in them rings in his ears.

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow. There it is again. The Donghyuck Mark has met the first night.

"You said 'we' again" he eyes the younger with more caution now. Donghyuck might be younger but there's something about him that makes him feel uneasy and like he shouldn't let his guard down.

Donghyuck's aura isn't what you would expect from someone living in harsh conditions. He isn't sitting completely straight with his shoulders wide and open. It's not that kind of confidence that's radiating from him.

Instead, there's something darker and maybe wicked if you look from a specific angle. His shoulders are slumped forward, looking almost lazy or broken but it's just a little bit too tense for that. And the smile on his lips, like he is enjoying this for some reason other than finally having company after long months of silence.

Or maybe Mark is just reading too much into this and Donghyuck is just a tired scientist, happy to meet him.

Either way, it's getting late and they need to work so when Donghyuck turns to leave this time Mark lets him go.

**Day 1255**

_Why am I writing like those are letters to you now? Maybe I just feel like it or maybe I just know you'll read it eventually or maybe I'm just missing something._

_Truth to be told, back when you first asked me why would I even save you since I never bothered before I never gave you a full answer._

_My feelings were conflicted back then, much more than now, I guess the lack of additional distraction helped me sort this out._

_I said that I loved you but looking back on it I don't know if that's enough of an answer._

_Anyway, the truth is that I saved you because you somehow reminded me of the old days, of my old crew._

_You were like this freckle of dust that is too stubborn to be vacuumed and eventually you just forget about it._

_Which makes no sense but that's a running theme here I guess._

"This place doesn't have a lot of rules," Donghyuck says with a neutral face but then reflects on his words, twisting the meaning behind them until it matches the truth. "Well, actually it does but I don't like most of them. I assume you know how to handle the equipment and all the stuff otherwise they wouldn't have sent you here but..."

Mark stares the younger down, the untrust still rooted deep in his mind. None of Donghyuck's behavior from that day or the night before did anything to change the image that his brain already produced of the younger. Even that morning in the kitchen feels staged somehow now in the dark shadows of the evening.

He doesn't let his guard down, not until Donghyuck finally stops looking at him with that spark in his eye.

"First real rule is that you can under no circumstances go outside," Donghyuck's eyes bore holes into his head, and Mark shifts on the plastic chair. "You are probably thinking 'Why would I? I would freeze my ass off.' But this is the only warning you are gonna get from your senior. Don't try it no matter what."

Mark nods eagerly, his thoughts already slipping past the words of the warning. Donghyuck is right; it sounds absurd and Mark's brain focuses on the taping of his companion's fingers on the white plastic table.

_Tap, tap, tap_

"Hey Mark,"

"Yeah?" He asks and his head snaps up again.

Donghyuck eyes him suspiciously, his eyebrow up, much higher than Mark would have liked.

The tapping has stopped, leaving them in complete silence.

"The second rule that I will not tolerate breaking is going through the rooms in the left wing."

They stare at each other in silence for a moment before Mark catches something in Donghyuck's eyes.

It looks a lot like stress, sleepless nights, and the loneliness probably stripping him bare despite the wicked aura he bears.

So when Donghyuck turns around with a flick of his wrist and a tight smile on his lips, the words "That's all then. Let's work," harsh on his lips Mark decides on something.

He might not be the most social person out there but something in the way that Donghyuck straightens his back tells him this: months upon months being left alone is not something he wants to experience.

There is only one way around it.

He _will_ crack the code to understanding that wicked smirk of Donghyuck's.

Even if it requires breaking a rule.

He looks to the corridor to his left.

Or even two.

**Day 1250**

_You are something else, Mark Lee._

_I'm writing this entry and I still can't believe I'm alive and not entirely insane yet. And you are alright too._

_I fucking did it._

_You know what's funny? I know now what happened back then when the cold almost killed me. I'm not immune to the whispers after all. I'm not as strong as I thought but that's fine with me._

_You pulled me back into reality. I know you think I saved you but in a way you saved me too._

_Is it bad that a part of me wants you to see me? Not the monster who couldn't save so many people but just me. Donghyuck._

_I've been searching for the words to describe what I was feeling with you here and today I finally got my answer._

_I love you. It's been a while since I've used those words._

The next day Mark turns his steps to the kitchen with a plan. He _needs_ to check the forbidden part of the complex. Without Donghyuck's knowledge, of course.

The kitchen is still empty when he gets there and before Donghyuck’s sarcastic words can break the silence Mark reaches into the refrigerator for some food.

He hums under his breath a song while he tries to figure out if he has everything to make an omelet.

Mark isn't the best cook and so he focuses all his attention on what he is doing. At first, he doesn't even realize that a new voice has joined his humming.

Donghyuck's singing is powerful even when his voice is just above a whisper. The melody floats in the space in between them and Donghyuck eyes the pan that Mark is making his omelet on.

"For me?" He asks with a mischievous note in his voice and Mark turns his head slightly to look at the younger.

His hair is in an artistic mess and he looks he like has actually just gotten out of bed for once.

Mark chooses to ignore his question and instead asks "Slept well?"

Donghyuck shakes his head but smiles.

They spend their morning like this, chatting and rolling eyes at each other. It comes easy, almost too easy but Mark can't help but notice how their conversations are empty, meaning nowhere to be found.

Donghyuck steals at least half of his breakfast. Mark gives him a death glare which only makes the other laugh more.

When Donghyuck finally leaves Mark alone the older feels empty. In the span of the last hour, the perspective of breaking Donghyuck's rules became less and less appealing.

And now, standing in the silence of the room that serves as their kitchen he can't help but feel nervous.

He just hopes Donghyuck will never find out.

**Day 1145**

_It's funny how fast my perspective has changed. Tonight Mark finally told me about the voices. I wish I could warn him but I know it wouldn't work._

_Tonight I also looked back at some of my old entries from the other _times_._

_I've been kind of pathetic, haven't I? Giving up after a few failed tries. I wish I had tried with Yukhei and Yangyang but I can see how broken I've been._

_Funny, how I have the will to fight back in me now. Mark has gotten to my head and now I can't stop thinking._

_Maybe I should do it. Maybe I should try pulling off what Taeil hyung did._

_Does it really matter if I die in the process? Does it?_

Getting to the left wing is easy enough. Mark doesn't know what he has expected. Guards on the way down? Doors opening only under Donghyuck's fingertips? Either way, the complex wasn't built to keep secrets which makes Mark wonder where do the secrets come from.

Donghyuck is nowhere in sight at this late hour; their work done hours ago. He has seen the younger disappear into one of the doors which for sure don't lead to his room, but he didn't ask.

The corridors around him look older somehow. They are still clear and blank but the air in this part of the complex is stiff. Mark briefly wonders how long since anyone has set foot in here.

This makes him remember he isn't supposed to be in this part of the complex and he has a feeling Donghyuck would skin him alive if he knew.

There's a whisper, words unintelligible, quiet but real. Mark stills.

He turns around, searching, hoping to find a familiar silhouette there, Donghyuck's lopsided grin almost tattooed under his eyelids so realistically that when he closes his eyes he can almost believe the younger is there.

But not quite. Mark is still way too sane to believe an illusion created by his own brain.

The voices come from the darkest corners of the room.

" _You shouldn't be here_ ," his consciousness whispers.

"I know," Mark answers to no one in particular.

All the doors he opens lead to empty rooms. Mark furrows his brows, confused why Donghyuck has made him promise to never come here.

There's nothing in here apart from low whispers. He doesn't recognize the voices and he blames the somehow spooky atmosphere. Nothing to see, no answers to his questions.

It doesn't look like anyone was murdered here or whatever other crazy fantasies his brain had made up over the days.

"Fine," Mark finally whispers and turns on his heel, ready to get back to his small but cozy room.

The whispers follow him at a safe distance.

**Day 1109**

_Do you know what would they say about me 20 years in the future? A boy who cared too damn much even when everyone around him died._

_Mark is weird. I can tell he doesn't trust me but it almost seems like he wants to. Which is stupid if he has ever heard the news of what's happening here. Oh, wait, he can't know the truth since I'm the only survivor. Hahaha_

_Mark is too good to die here. Does that make a difference? I've already tried everything._

It's easy to forget all of your surroundings when you do something you love.

Time slips through Mark's fingers one day at a time until days blend into weeks and weeks into months. It's a wild ride.

Donghyuck is probably the only thing that slows the pace of Mark's life at the station. He is that one thing that makes sense between all the papers and experiments.

A smirk above the sharp line of documents that Mark needs to send back to Jungwoo, a few short but intriguing words in the kitchen, a voice in the empty corridors.

Well, all apart from the last one makes sense. The voices, however, are something Mark isn't sure of.

Sometimes he thinks he hears Jeno's voice, sometimes Jungwoo's but sometimes it's Donghyuck's.

Part of Mark wonders how is it possible, when did he start to care about the younger so much that his own brain prefers to whisper sweet nothings into his ear in the unbearable silence.

But no matter the truth, that's still okay. It doesn't stop him from smiling at the younger when they meet or wishing him a good night every day. Despite all the strange disappearances and circumstances, Donghyuck seems normal.

Or maybe, Mark's definition of normal has changed.

Either way, it's fine.

What isn't fine is the slow and shaky breath that freezes the blood in his veins about three months into his stay.

" _I miss the sun_ ," it whispers in the darkroom, and Mark can swear he feels the fandom breath on his neck.

But that's not possible, he tells himself over and over again.

" _I wonder, do I still remember what rain feels like?_ "

Mark shuts his eyes tight and his hands cover his ears.

" _Is it summer or spring right now?_ "

Mark opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling.

" _Ah, I forgot where we are_."

There's no one else in his room. The thoughts aren't his.

But the voice definitely is.

**Day 1054**

_Mark Lee._

_That's all I got from Jungwoo. A name. No favorite meal, color, biggest fear._

_No preferred way to die. Well, that would be useless anyway, I'm sure that what's in stock wouldn't be his first choice._

The next morning goes normal, too normal for what's happening.

It's hard to stay still. There's this feeling like Mark's skin doesn't belong to him anymore and he tries to keep a frown out of his face.

Fortunately, Donghyuck doesn't seem to notice or care, or maybe even both, it's hard to tell.

"Can you help me with this crap?" Donghyuck asks Mark and points at the papers on the kitchen table.

Mark has forgotten the younger was there, occupied with his dinner enough to tune out the background noise.

The voices are silent for now and part of him wonders if maybe he has just imagined them. It's hard to picture something lurking in the dark corners with Donghyuck hovering over the poor table, shoulders relaxed but eyes focused.

It's impossible to trust him yet Mark doesn't know what to do. The voices haven't spoken up in his presence before. He doesn't want to risk Donghyuck looking at him like he has lost his sanity.

"Sure," he says and eyes the food in the pot. It doesn't look right so Mark just sighs and leaves it. He will have to clean up later.

Donghyuck looks up at him with something dark in his eyes. He doesn't seem alarmed, more like he is balancing at the edge of being worried and haven't yet decided if he should start freaking out or not.

Mark doesn't have the answers the younger seeks.

"You okay?" Donghyuck's tone sounds strained all of a sudden, a complete one-eighty from just a moment ago.

"Is it hard to breathe?" A second voice asks and it's the same as the first one only more relaxed. Donghyuck's mouth is closed shut.

"I don't know," Mark finally says and it's an answer for both Donghyuck and the other voice. He doesn't know how air gets to his lungs but somehow he looks presentable enough for Donghyuck to just sigh and shake his head.

"Never mind," he mumbles at the papers in his hands. "I can take care of it myself."

The knuckles gripping the thin paper are white, the important documents wrinkled. Mark watches them with a strange fascination.

"You go rest," Donghyuck gestures to the door, and Mark can feel his gaze on his back as he makes his way through the familiar corridors just to stop outside his own door.

His own voice laughs at him as if he has just told the best joke ever known to humanity. It sounds unnatural and fake in Mark's tone.

Mark tightens his grip on the doorknob and thinks back to Donghyuck's stare back in the kitchen. The strange disappearances.

He doesn't know if he should tell Donghyuck about this and it's driving him mad.

**Day 967**

_I don't even have the strength to fight anymore. I should have refused help again, should have said I have the plague or something so that they don't send anyone this time._

_Well, would they believe me anyway?_

_'But Donghyuck, you can't do all the job alone.'_

_How about next time I tell them:_

_'Oh, but boss, I assume you would prefer your employees alive.'_

_I wonder if that would get me fired, too._

The night he finally decides he needs to do something is the night he wakes up to his own voice screaming at him.

" _You need fresh air to breathe_ ," it tells him.

And then:

" _Go get it_!"

It takes Mark a moment to snap out of his weird trans but when he does he finds himself in the middle of the dark corridors.

He can feel himself shaking under the thin material of his t-shirt and as he looks around for any indication of where he is it hits him.

He is lost, the corridors around him unfamiliar in the cool night air.

"Where am I?" He asks the darkness.

"Mark?" A voice answers and Mark stiffens.

He doesn't move a single muscle as a familiar silhouette appears before him.

Donghyuck isn't wearing a pajama and for some reason, that small detail snaps Mark out of his weird trace.

This is just Donghyuck. Mysterious and weary but Mark would choose him over the whispers around him any day.

"What are you doing here?" Donghyuck asks him and the strange tone is back in his voice. It's the same one Mark remembers from the kitchen. Like the younger is waiting for him to give him a green light to panic. "What's wrong?"

"It's not like I care about you," Donghyuck's voice whispers next to his ear but Mark knows it's not really the younger.

"Mark?" Donghyuck's voice is louder this time and Mark has a clear realization right at this moment.

The 'we' that the younger always talks about. It can be anything really, but a part of him thinks he gets it now.

"I can hear the whispers," Mark whispers frantically and his hands fly around his body in an involuntary attempt to shield himself from the monsters.

"Why are you whispering yourself then?" Donghyuck's voice isn't quiet and it echoes through the empty corridors. "You should be shouting you know? Don't give them what they want."

"What do they want?" Mark asks and Donghyuck scans him with an intense stare. There's something there that Mark has never thought he will see on the younger.

Fear seeps out of his posture and also his next words.

"I wish I could tell you but I would only make their job easier," he says and there is regret in his voice.

Mark shakes his head.

"Whatever it is, the won't get it," he says steadily, more to convince himself than Donghyuck.

The look that the younger gives him is both doubtful and so sad that Mark has to look away.

"Come on, let me walk you back to your room."

The voices leave him alone for the rest of the night.

**Day 653**

_My voices shifted gears. It seems they had realized I'm not going outside again in this century and decided that giving me other ideas would be better._

_I tried warning Kun up but it didn't work. I think the fact that he visited the left wing made the voices come faster._

_If I want to make this work somehow I need to have more time to think. Too bad time is what I don't have._

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the disappearances of people who had worked here before Mark must somehow be connected to the whispers.

After he tells Donghyuck about them the voices never leave him alone, laughing at his breakfast and commenting on his work.

Donghyuck eyes him suspiciously throughout the morning and then into the late evening hours until Mark can't take it anymore.

"Weren't you indifferent to this?" Mark asks and eyes the younger suspiciously. 

"To my teammates disappearing into the freezing night?" Donghyuck's eyes lock on him. "I might have not saved them but don't you dare say I didn't try to. You weren't here Mark. Do you really think I'm one of the monsters who keep whispering in your ears?"

"I don't know," Mark says but shakes his head when he sees Donghyuck's expression becoming neutral. He doesn't want the younger to shut him out even though he is so confused. "I don't think you are a monster. And you definitely aren't a whisper. Look, I can touch you."

Mark pokes at Donghyuck's arm with a finger. The younger laughs, his expression shifting again, this time to bewilderment.

A short but genuine snort escapes the younger's lips and for the first time Mark truly _sees_ how young Donghyuck is. It's hard to remember the one year difference with the way the younger acts.

"I don't get you," Donghyuck says, a smile lingering at his lips.

"And I don't get _you_ ," Mark answers earnestly.

"I hope—" Donghyuck starts, his expression more serious now. "I hope the voices won't get the better of you. Just this once I hope it won't work."

The words are hopeful but there's only resignation in the younger's voice.

Mark wonders if Donghyuck somehow knows what is coming next. Knows about the slow shift of the tone the whispers are speaking. From airy but soft to angry, demeaning.

Mark wonders if Donghyuck knows the turn of events like the back of his hand.

Or maybe, like a broken record.

**Day 501**

_I remember I promised myself I would make a difference. I didn't._

_Notes to future me: making the door inaccessible doesn't work. I've never seen a human use so much force before. It was terrifying._

_So I watched them go into the night and all I could do was shiver under my thin t-shirt while I closed the door._

Mark tries to resist the sudden urge in his bones. He can feel that it wasn't planted here by him but from outside.

The hard tone of Donghyuck's voice when the younger had listed the rules playing over and over in his head like a mantra.

Ultimately, it didn't really matter anyway. No matter what the younger had done, Mark's own voice became strange, strained and soon enough it merged with the one coming out from the dark corners of his room.

It was impossible to tell which thought was his. None of them felt like they came from his brain.

"Fresh air, I need fresh air," and at the moment that Mark says it, it sounds right.

There is not enough air, space for him to breathe in his little cramped room.

He gets up, puts his shoes on but doesn't bother with a coat. The air is too hot, sweat making his skin sticky.

The corridors are empty. Mark doesn't _know_ the way outside but his legs carry him forward anyway, taking turns at all the right places and before he can as much as blink hr is standing before the big and heavy door.

He hasn't seen it before. Donghyuck has made it pretty clear over the last few months that if there is one place that Mark should never be, it's here.

And now Donghyuck isn't here to stop him. Part of Mark, the last sane bit of him, the one that's pushed back to the back of his brain, the one that keeps screaming at his body to _stop_ , still hopes that the younger will materialize before him like that one time he got lost.

"Donghyuck," his voice sounds like a whimper and a shiver runs down his spine as he tries to fight the urge to reach out and open the door.

But nothing works. The voices are screaming at this point and Mark's ears start ringing.

He forces the massive door open and suddenly there's snow on the walls of the corridor. White on white. Mark doesn't stop.

The air is fresh but it still doesn't get rid of the sweat on his skin. Mark still can't breathe, can't _think_.

There's nothing on the horizon, nothing as far as he can see. The snow is everywhere. It's blinding and Mark's sense of distance doesn't work properly as he moves.

Is he far from the station already or just a few feet?

His head spins and he almost falls.

"Fresh air," he mumbles and blinks, a touch of green appearing at the corner of his eyes.

"Trees?" He asks no one in particular. His legs pick up speed and he vaguely remembers something, someone telling him to stop.

That voice...it's so familiar but Mark can't place it, can't _move_.

He looks down to find his feet to see roots there. They are holding his legs in place, making it impossible to move.

And suddenly Mark feels a touch of cold. It's gone as fast as it has appeared but in that second Mark chokes on hair.

It's cold, too cold. Then it's hot again.

"Mark!" It's the voice from before again and this time Mark places it.

"Donghyuck?" He asks quietly. Then he shouts. "Donghyuck?"

"Mark!" The younger is better dressed for the weather for sure, layers upon layers of coats but all Mark can see is his expression, almost completely hidden behind a scarf. Fear seeps out of him in waves. "Mark, can you hear me? _Really_ hear me?"

He nods slightly and that's all the confirmation the younger needs.

"You came back for me," Mark doesn't have time to be surprised as Donghyuck pulls on his hands, hard. It makes the voices retreat to the darker parts of cautiousness and the grasp of the roots on his feet loosen.

Except, when he looks down, there's nothing. No plants, no anything that could have kept him in the freezing cold.

"You didn't risk it for the others," he raises his gaze to the younger whose grip is still firm on his wrist. "You just let them freeze to death, eaten up by their insanity. What's so special about me that you didn't leave me to death Donghyuck?"

There's this vulnerability in Donghyuck's gaze that makes Mark stop fighting and when he is dragged in the direction of the station he simply complies.

'What is it?' He wonders as Donghyuck wrestles the door closed behind them. It takes a while and a few angry shouts from the younger but in the end, the silence embraces them both in a comfortable cocoon that Mark has gotten used to over the past five months.

'What's so different about me?' Hangs in the air as Donghyuck disappears into the kitchen just to appear back in the door frame with a cup of tea a minute later.

"Really, why me not them Donghyuck?" He finally asks as the younger settles down next to him on the sofa.

They stare at each other for a few seconds before Donghyuck sighs with defeat. 

"You scared the shit out of me Mark and all you want to know is _why_ I went after you?" he asks in a tried voice and Mark has to agree that when put like this it doesn't sound logical but to be honest, logic never applies in this godforsaken arctic station.

"You didn't answer," he points out. "I know it is a sensitive topic for you and I should probably just trust you since you saved my life but—"

He stops for a moment and waits to see how his words will affect Donghyuck but the younger stays perfectly still. Mark guesses he must have expected this; a cold reality check, followed by the cruel realization that Mark doesn't trust him. Or maybe Donghyuck never wanted his trust.

Either way, the younger scientist stays quiet.

"You never told me what really happened back then, just small bits and pieces but nothing too real. And while I don't want to believe you just send them to death like that, you did nothing to convince me otherwise."

Donghyuck's eyes meet his again and he raises an eyebrow, almost daring Mark to say more.

"But what if I did?" He asks and Mark has to force himself to take a deep breath.

' _He just saved your life. No matter what he did or did not do before, you have to trust him now_.'

"And what if I don't believe you."

Donghyuck laughs.

"Then I have to call you stupid," he says simply. "You might be right. You _are_ different for me Mark but it doesn't change what I have done to the others."

A moment of silence.

And then the words that Mark was so scared to hear.

"I did leave them all to death," Donghyuck smiles bitterly. He lifts his hand up, palm upward. Artificial light plays on it strangely and for a moment Mark thinks he is going to get a headache from it. Donghyuck moves his fingers slightly and they seem to glow. It's mesmerizing.

And then Donghyuck closes his hand into a fist in one swift motion. The light dies out and Mark flinches. "Just like that. I will tell you the story in two parts because I don't want any sympathy from you."

Their gazes meet and Mark's heart beats faster than ever before.

"Tell me," he says in a low voice.

And oh, Donghyuck does tell him.

**Day 421**

_Some of my worst nightmares start like this: empty rooms and silence disturbed only by the voices. I hate waking up to find I was right._

_I don't know what I was thinking when I went outside to find them. Maybe that someone could still be alive? You are so stupid Donghyuck._

_At least the voices didn't follow me out there. I suspect that they don't have the power to lure me out again. Sucks to suck, right? I'm not sure what would have happened if I tried to stop them while they worked last night though._

_One thing I know for sure: I'm never going back there._

_It's strange to explain but the bodies just stood there. Frozen in place as if fighting some invisible force. Which, I guess sounds about right. I still remember that fandom grip on my legs._

_I regret leaving just like that but there was nothing left for me to do._

_Next time...next time I'll make a difference._

The next few days are difficult. While Donghyuck tries to pick up all the pieces of himself he has laid out for Mark the older does his best to block the returning voices.

Now they aren't whispering about him anymore, oh no.

Somewhere between Donghyuck telling him about Taeil and how his first supervisor lost his life while saving Donghyuck from the same fate that Mark almost submitted himself to that day, and the story about all of the other scientists too arrogant and proud to listen to Donghyuck's warnings. 

And then those few who weren't too proud or ignorant but Donghyuck has let them wander off anyway.

By this point Mark has already expected that outcome so he doesn't shiver at the younger words, instead looming over his small frame with his own, trying to share some of his warmth.

"I told you you were stupid for believing I didn't do it," the younger laughs bitterly and straightens his back, moving away from Mark with a strange look in his eyes. "I'm as wicked as one can be. Maybe you weren't so wrong when you called me one of them back then."

Mark shakes his head.

"No, you are not a monster Donghyuck. Nor a whisper," he reaches out and puts his hand on the small of the younger's back. "I have already told you that before. You made some bad decisions but that's it."

Donghyuck snorts.

"You don't tell," he laughs some more and it doesn't sound happy at all. "I can't decide if you are being nice to me because you are still going to be alone with me here for two more months or everything—" he gestures around them. "—has messed up your head."

Mark snorts too.

"It's pretty safe to say that my mind isn't exactly how it was before I came here considering I just almost froze myself to death the other day," he says and Donghyuck turns to him to give him a judging gaze.

"You are stupid, you know?" He asks but his voice sounds stronger now.

He sounds more like the Donghyuck he is used too. Mark smiles.

"I'm not that stupid. Just let it go Donghyuck, how is dwelling on this going to help us with our studies."

Donghyuck gives him another look which sends a clear 'I cannot believe your bullshit' message to Mark but the older just shrugs, pretending to not understand.

Thankfully Donghyuck drops the topic after that.

**Day 345**

_Should I mark today as a new beginning of some sorts? I have never been at a loss for words but now—_

__

__

_I look back at a few of my past entries and I wonder how did the whispers get the better of me, how did the fuckers slip even here?_

_Honestly, after today I think it's over._

_I wish I had something different to live for but I guess there's nothing left for me here now._

_Might as well bring the same hell I was brought into to other people. No, no brought into._

_I just simply wasn't saved. No one bothered to hear my screams._

_Thank you Taeil hyung for going after me and dragging me back. I wish you somehow made it back too._

As it turns out there are no high walls to get past or an enigma to decode to crack the code of Donghyuck's smile.

It can be wicked as it can be lovely and Mark can't believe it took him going to hell and back to realize that.

"The voices are like hell," Donghyuck mumbles quietly one evening as he chops some carrots for dinner. "I don't know if you had noticed that yet. But they are that for me. I've been hearing them for long enough and when they realized they aren't getting me back into the cold they basically switched gears."

Mark's gaze follows the lazy movements that mask the shaking of Donghyuck's hands.

The younger doesn't share what kind of words have been slipping into his ears like poisoned honey all this time but there is probably no need too.

Mark can imagine a lot of awful things and the truth is most likely worse.

But the edge to the next words doesn't come from the trauma or the sadness, no. This is something Mark has learned to decode.

"I don't want that kind of words in your head too Mark."

It's basically a ' _Maybe you should leave_ '.

Mark acts as if he didn't pick up on what Donghyuck's was hinting at and after a minute of an intense stare, the younger finally sighs.

"I'm not going to convince you to leave just like that, am I?" his words sound tired but the tone doesn't sound like he himself believes he really wants that. There is a certain spark in his eyes that tells Mark what Donghyuck really wants but is too afraid to say aloud.

"Not a chance," he says and a smirk makes its way onto the younger's face.

"I should have expected that but I'm still gonna try to make you change your mind," Donghyuck says and Mark raises his eyebrows. "I can be _really_ insufferable if I want to."

"Oh, I know that."

Mark understands Donghyuck's concerns but he can't give it up. The voices are gone from his head, for now.

He knows he can't leave. Can't leave Donghyuck alone, can't let any more people get dragged out into the cool night by the whispers. Part of Mark just can't let him leave.

Donghyuck will finally get eventually.

**Day 132**

_Doyoung disappeared today. No one knows what happened but I can hear the whispers. I just hope he didn't feel the cold._

_I don't know how long I can ignore them, if I can make it all the way. I know what they want now. I don't want us to end up in the freezing cold and I'm scared, so scared._

_Maybe even more for the others than myself._

It takes time but at some point Donghyuck finally does.

"There's something I realized pretty quickly. Even if I left this place I wouldn't leave them behind. It got to the point of no return. That's why I stayed."

Mark nods at him to continue.

"But you Mark… It's still not too late for you," Donghyuck's voice is almost pleading and Mark opens his eyes to stare at the younger.

"Nice try Donghyuck but it won't work. I told you one too many times already. I'm not leaving."

Somehow the words aren't enough for the younger who looks at him with something close to hatred now.

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Oh I think I do," Mark replies, voice even. "I just don't get why do you want me gone so much."

The answer is never said aloud. It's in the way Donghyuck traces his finger over the curves of Mark's frame as if he is trying to memorize it bit by bit. The emotion is hidden deep inside Donghyuck never makes it to the surface, never forms words but it's clean and loud enough in the deep sigh that escapes the younger as they shift positions to more comfortable ones.

The normally stoic Donghyuck bleeds emotions all over the place that day and Mark finds himself wanting to pick up the pieces.

" _I'm broken_ ," is what Donghyuck seems to say with a short laugh.

It's hard to tell. The voices are silent that day.

" _I care, too_."

Mark hopes that Donghyuck gets his message.

**Day 109**

_I finally talked with Taeyong hyung about the voices. It didn't really help but I can't take it anymore._

_Taeil hyung said that maybe they should send me home but I know there's no way to do that._

_I can't help but think that the whispers aren't only the product of my imagination. The things they say…it's not what I think._

_It scares me._

"When exactly were you going to tell me this?" Mark asks no one in particular. He stares down at the letter in his hand. Jungwoo's words stare right back.

"Oh, it's Jungwoo again?" Donghyuck asks from the door, smile gone from his face but the tone still light. "Please tell me he changed his mind about bringing new people in."

Mark sighs.

"I can't do that."

"Lie to me Mark Lee," Donghyuck sits down beside him and looks at the paper in his hands. "Why does he even bother? It's the two of us now, we can make it work."

"He says they need people with our knowledge back home," Mark turns his head to the younger. "And that working here is a 'unique experience'."

"I wish he knew how true that is."

They look at each other with regret already visible in their eyes. At the end of the day, Mark agrees with Jungwoo. Not because he is thrilled by the concept of more people living with him but because he doesn't have a choice.

"We will protect them," he says in a voice that doesn't take no for an answer.

Donghyuck scans his face for any traces of uncertainty but Mark knows they are not there.

"I can't make promises," the younger's voice is quieter, more reserved. Mark gets it; he knows what Donghyuck has been through. All the failed attempts, all the deaths. But…

"I'm still here, aren't I?"

Donghyuck shakes his head but smiles.

"Only because I felt like it," he says and Mark rolls his eyes. They both know it's not true.

"I swear to God Donghyuck."

Donghyuck's laugh fills out all the empty space where the whisper have no entry. It warms up Mark's heart.

"I think I have a plan," he says slowly. "It may work...for now."

They get to work.

**Day 67**

_Today I woke up in the middle of the night to a whisper in my ear. I swear I could hear Jaemin's voice. I miss that asshat._

_That must be it, right? I miss Jaemin and so my brain has decided to play tricks on me._

_I wish it could stop though, it hurts like hell to remember his touch._

Mark hums in the empty rooms that night. In the darkness, he makes sure to tell the whispers to go to sleep. His voice is soothing, fakely sweet.

He knows how to deal with it now. It's not easy but it's something he has to live with now.

"Mark it's time to leave," another whisper raises from the still air, and the hairs on marks arm rise.

But it's louder than all of the others, more firm.

There's something to it that the others can't fake well enough.

He turns around and his eyes land on Donghyuck's silhouette reflected by some stray lights.

"It's too quiet, I don't like it," the younger says and looks around. "Did it work?"

Mark scans the room too. It's empty and it is quiet, the silence almost ringing in his ears. If he didn't know better he would say that he did get rid of them completely. 

"I think it worked for now," he answers instead. His voice is louder than Donghyuck's and the younger smiles that crooked smile of his.

"Good," he raises his voice to match Mark's.

Even if the whispers did rise from the darkness again they both would make sure to scream loud enough to make them nothing more than background noise.

**Day 36**

_Hello, is anyone there? Haha, of course not, this is my 'diary'._

_I'm still kind of mad at Taeyong hyung for making me the one who has to do this._

_Well, anyway, there's not much to report. Normal but a little dusty arctic station. There's no trace of its previous occupants though, strange right?_

_Doyoung hyung told me to write down that there's something wrong with the left wing and I should go there. Guess what my next mission is now._

"It's going to be fine," Mark tries to make his voice as stable as possible for both his and Donghyuck's sake.

The younger trembles under his touch, Mark's fingertips on the younger's skin making them both shiver in the quiet night.

It's been a few weeks without the voices. Everything seems unusually quiet but Mark doesn't comment on it. It's so much better this way.

Donghyuck doesn't seem to have the toxic whispers in his head anymore too, his smile bigger and brighter now when there's nothing to cast a shadow over it.

They make their way through the still corridors. The time has finally come for them to welcome new crew members.

"Before we go out there," Mark stops Donghyuck with a light pull on his hand and the younger stills under his touch.

It's strange. The memories of a night just like this one from seven months ago when it was Mark who was on the receiving end of Donghyuck's harsh gaze and cold words. It feels like yesterday but the heavyweight of the knowledge of when really sleeps in this seemingly empty building, the freezing cold still gripping his heart tight, the whispers at the back of his head ready to break free at any moment and make him lose the rest of his sanity and Donghyuck's hand in his, remind him how different the Mark from back then is from him.

It hurts so much but instead of a grimace, he forces a smile.

"Mark?" Donghyuck's voice brings him back to reality, to this moment and Mark focuses on the boy before him. Donghyuck's once cold eyes are filled with questions and that familiar vulnerability that Mark is used to by now.

"Hey Donghyuck," is all Mark says and all the warning Donghyuck gets before he closes the distance between them and kisses the younger.

It's a little bit desperate and Mark grabs at Donghyuck like he is drowning. It feels like he is back in the cold snow with imaginary roots grabbing at his feet.

Donghyuck is his gravity and this time Mark is the one that holds on tight.

And in the middle of it, all Donghyuck also seems to be drowning. Mark wonders what crosses through the younger’s head.

"Mark," he breathes out when they finally separate. "Mark," voice more steady.

"Donghyuck," Mark breathes back and none of them move away enough for the scene to look innocent if stumbled upon by their new juniors.

The younger takes a deep breath but before he can say anything Mark sighs.

"If it's about the voices again then save it," he can see the light in Donghyuck's eyes flicker as he relaxes slowly, the beats of their hearts synchronizing. "I told you time and time again that it doesn't matter now. There are no 'bad' and 'good' people between us."

The realization of just how true his words are slowly creeps in with a whisper which takes shape in Mark's mind, repeating one word over and over again.

" _Gray, gray, gray_."

Mark can't exactly disagree with that.

It was as much his and Donghyuck's decision to bring the new recruits here as it was Jungwoo's, Mark's supervisor's worries lulled by the fact that Mark is still safe and sound.

If the juniors, or maybe it's _when_ they get lured out of the door to the dangerous outside world, led by their hopes and fears, it's his and Donghyuck's responsibility to bring them back no matter what.

It's what they agreed on.

**Day 1**

_Hello, I'm Lee Donghyuck from the research team number 1367._

_I guess starting today I'll be your guide._

_Let's enjoy our stay here._

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are always welcomed hehe~
> 
> hit me up @ donghyuckos on twitter and see you ~soon~


End file.
